Friendship is something I am most certainly not looking for, and I would not like to call what the Doctor and I have a friendship, but I will admit I enjoy talking to him more than I thought I would. I would have assumed somebody hearing the things I told them would be calling for my head, or worse, alert the authorities but the good Doctor seems intent on helping me…understanding me.
I’ve tried to make sure the ‘relationship’ is as one way as possible, want him to know me and understand me better but I can’t let him in too deep. If I do our eventual parting of ways will be that much more difficult and I’ve learned that cutting ties requires a clean and emotion free break. I’ve shared some stories with him about some of my conquests. Things I thought that I would not tell anybody and would take with me to the grave but I felt in the moment that he knowing was more important than me keeping them a secret.
It’s good to have somebody that you can…download your thoughts and ideas on to. It creates space for more things and serves as a good sounding board. I’ve even thought of newer and more creative ways to go about some of my hobbies but I’d never let him know that he is just as much a muse to a serial killer as a therapist.
When I feel that I have myself figured out as much as possible then I will make the clean break. I can let him in but only so far because too deep and his claims of being able to ‘heal’ me might actually work and to the contrary I’m not particularly sure I’m in search of a cure.
I like the way I am and I like what I do and I’m ready to do it wherever and whenever to whomever I see fit.